I’m Married But Find Other Women Attractive. What Do I Do?

Marriage is a complex bond that requires commitment, love, and loyalty. However, being married does not necessarily mean one will only find their partner attractive.

There are times when individuals in committed relationships experience attraction towards other people outside of their marriage. This can be confusing and overwhelming for many as it challenges the integrity of the relationship.

The struggle to maintain attraction solely towards one’s spouse while also finding others attractive is not uncommon. It raises questions about trust, honesty, and communication between partners.

In this article, we will explore what it means to experience attraction towards others while being in a committed relationship and provide insights on how to navigate such situations.

Understanding Attraction In Committed Relationships

As the saying goes, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’ It’s natural for individuals to find others attractive outside their committed relationships. Attraction does not necessarily equate to infidelity or lack of love for one’s partner.

However, it can cause confusion and trigger feelings of jealousy, especially when partners don’t understand each other’s perspectives.

Navigating jealousy requires open communication between partners about what they consider acceptable behavior within their relationship. Acknowledging that attraction doesn’t mean a lack of commitment is crucial in addressing these concerns.

Partners need to recognize that just because they’re attracted to someone else, it doesn’t diminish the love and connection shared with their significant other.

It is essential to understand the difference between attraction and love as well. While there may be moments where your heart races at seeing an attractive individual, this does not always translate into romantic love or emotional attachment.

Love entails more than physical appearances; it involves shared experiences, respect, compromise, trust and support.

Acknowledging your feelings towards finding other women attractive doesn’t have to lead down a path of infidelity or dishonesty. Instead, recognizing those emotions can help you better communicate with your partner about boundaries and expectations in your relationship.

Understanding that attraction is normal but choosing fidelity over indulgence can strengthen bonds between couples.

Acknowledging Your Feelings

It is common for people in committed relationships to experience attraction towards others outside of their romantic partnership. These feelings can be confusing and difficult to navigate, especially if they conflict with one’s commitment to their partner. However, it is important to acknowledge these emotions rather than repressing or denying them.

Self-reflection is a necessary step in acknowledging and accepting these feelings. It may be helpful to explore the reasons behind these attractions, such as longing for variety or feeling unfulfilled in certain aspects of the current relationship. Recognizing that attraction does not necessarily equate to action can also aid in managing these emotions.

Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can assist in managing emotions when they arise. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment, which allows individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. This practice can help cultivate self-awareness and promote emotional regulation.

Ultimately, acceptance is key when grappling with attractions outside of a committed relationship. Suppressing or ignoring these feelings can lead to resentment towards oneself or one’s partner. By accepting these emotions as natural human experiences rather than shameful secrets, individuals may find greater peace within themselves and their partnerships.

While acknowledging and accepting your own desires is an essential first step, communicating openly with your partner about your feelings is equally crucial for maintaining trust and intimacy within the relationship.

Communicating With Your Partner

  1. Honest and open communication is essential to a healthy relationship; it is important to be able to discuss difficult topics with your partner.

  2. When talking to your partner, it is important to express yourself in a clear and non-judgmental way, in order to avoid any misunderstandings.

  3. Explaining your feelings to your partner can be difficult; however, it is important to be honest and clear about your emotions.

  4. It can be helpful to practice expressing your thoughts and feelings before discussing them with your partner, as this can help to ensure a successful and productive conversation.

Talking To Your Partner

It can be overwhelming to realize that you are married but still find other women attractive. This realization may cause emotional vulnerability in you, and it is natural to feel confused and overwhelmed with the situation.

However, one of the best things you can do when faced with such a challenge is to talk openly and honestly with your partner. Talking to your partner about this issue can help build trust between both of you.

It would be helpful to approach the conversation by expressing how much you love and value them while acknowledging that sometimes finding someone else attractive does happen. In doing so, focus on building an atmosphere where they will not feel threatened or insecure as it will help establish mutual trust.

To further strengthen the bond between you two, incorporating trust-building exercises into your daily life can also prove useful. These include activities like sharing personal goals and dreams or offering each other honest feedback whenever necessary.

When couples partake in these types of activities regularly, they create more profound connections rooted in honesty and transparency. In conclusion, talking with your partner about being attracted to others can seem daunting; however, it’s essential for maintaining a healthy relationship as communication builds intimacy within relationships.

By approaching this topic sensitively and focusing on building trust through open conversations & constant communication, partners can work towards a stronger connection despite any challenges they may face along their journey together.

Explaining Your Feelings

Navigating confusion and expressing oneself can be a daunting task in any relationship. When it comes to communicating with your partner, explaining how you feel is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

It’s essential to understand that feelings are subjective and valid, regardless of their origin or intensity. One way to start this conversation is by accepting yourself first and acknowledging the complexity of emotions.

Explaining your feelings requires honesty, vulnerability, and courage. You may worry about hurting your partner’s feelings or being judged harshly for your thoughts. However, suppressing these emotions will only lead to more significant problems down the line.

Instead, take some time to sort through your thoughts and try to identify what exactly you’re feeling. Once you have identified your emotions, finding the right words becomes easier as you communicate them effectively without blaming or attacking the other person.

Explain how certain situations make you feel while taking ownership of those feelings rather than attributing them solely to external factors like your partner’s behaviour.

In conclusion, communicating with one’s partner can be challenging but necessary for building trust and intimacy within a relationship. Navigating confusion and accepting oneself are critical first steps towards having an honest conversation about one’s feelings.

By identifying our emotions accurately and conveying them respectfully, we can build deeper connections with our partners that help us navigate life together successfully.

Setting Boundaries

Symbolism can be used as a powerful tool in understanding boundaries. Just like the white lines on a road, they serve to guide us and keep everyone safe.

Establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining trust in any relationship, especially when it comes to attraction towards other individuals outside of the marriage. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel.

By setting clear boundaries together, both parties will know what is expected of them and what behavior is acceptable within the relationship. This communication will help prevent misunderstandings and potential hurt feelings down the line.

Boundaries are not just about limiting certain actions or behaviors but also about respecting each other’s needs and desires. It’s essential to take into account that every individual has unique preferences when it comes to intimacy and relationships.

Therefore, establishing boundaries should be done collaboratively so that both partners feel comfortable with the agreed-upon rules. Maintaining trust requires ongoing effort from both partners involved in the relationship.

By adhering to established boundaries, trust between partners can grow stronger over time. However, it’s essential to remember that temptation may arise despite our best efforts. In the subsequent section, we’ll discuss ways to avoid temptation while still acknowledging that attractions may occur naturally at times.

Avoiding Temptation

  1. Limiting exposure to potential temptations can be an important part of avoiding temptation.

  2. Recognizing potential triggers and knowing how to respond can help in managing temptation.

  3. Setting boundaries and developing self-control are integral components of avoiding temptation.

  4. Cultivating gratitude, seeking support, distracting oneself, and being honest are additional strategies for avoiding temptation.

Limiting Exposure

It can be a challenging experience to confront the reality of being married but still feeling attracted to other women. It is natural for individuals to find others attractive, but it becomes problematic when these attractions threaten the sanctity and stability of their marriage.

One effective strategy in avoiding temptation is limiting exposure to situations where one might encounter potential partners or triggers. Self-control techniques are essential in managing sexual desires and making conscious decisions that prioritize fidelity towards one’s spouse.

Limiting exposure involves staying away from places or activities that may lead to temptations such as bars or clubs. Instead, engaging in wholesome activities with friends and family can provide an opportunity for bonding while also reducing the likelihood of encountering romantic interests.

Another way of limiting exposure is through social media use. Since many people meet new acquaintances online, setting boundaries on who you choose to connect with on social media platforms can significantly reduce encounters with those who may trigger feelings of attraction. This includes unfollowing accounts that promote unhealthy lifestyles, provocative content, or inappropriate behavior.

In conclusion, managing sexual desires requires self-awareness and commitment towards honoring your marital vows. While it’s normal to find other women attractive even while married, it’s essential to limit your exposure to situations where temptation could arise by employing self-control techniques like limiting access and setting healthy boundaries on social media usage. By doing so, couples can strengthen their relationship and avoid jeopardizing what they have built together over time.

Recognizing Triggers

As mentioned earlier, minimizing exposure to situations that may lead to temptation is one way of avoiding infidelity. However, it’s not always possible to avoid all scenarios that might trigger feelings of attraction towards others.

Recognizing triggers and understanding one’s vulnerability can also help in managing sexual desires. Triggers are events or circumstances that activate specific thoughts or behaviors within an individual. In the context of marriage, triggers could be anything from a coworker’s flirtatious behavior to watching pornography.

Understanding what these triggers are and how they affect you is the first step in developing coping mechanisms. Self-awareness is key in identifying your vulnerabilities and recognizing patterns of behavior. For example, if you tend to feel attracted to women who share similar interests as yourself, then being aware of this fact can help you preemptively avoid such situations.

By knowing your triggers and acknowledging your weaknesses, you’ll be better equipped to manage them when faced with temptations. Coping mechanisms differ for everyone but may include things like meditation or physical exercise when feeling stressed or aroused. It’s important to develop healthy habits that redirect attention away from negative emotions or impulses towards positive activities that promote well-being.

In conclusion, while limiting exposure to potential partners is crucial in avoiding temptation; it’s not always feasible. Recognizing triggers and building self-awareness requires effort but will ultimately strengthen marital bonds by reducing the likelihood of infidelity through effective coping mechanisms.

Focusing On Your Relationship

It is not uncommon for individuals in committed relationships to experience attraction towards others outside of their partnership. However, it can lead to feelings of guilt and confusion that may strain the relationship if not properly addressed.

One important step towards navigating these emotions is focusing on your current relationship.

To begin with, it is essential to communicate openly with your partner about how you are feeling. Discussing your attractions does not necessarily mean acting upon them or jeopardizing the trust within the relationship.

Additionally, try to identify any underlying issues within the relationship that might be contributing to these feelings. Perhaps there has been a lack of intimacy or communication lately which could be rekindled through dedicated effort from both parties.

Navigating jealousy is also an important aspect when trying to focus on your current relationship while acknowledging other attractions. It’s crucial to understand that experiencing occasional jealousy is normal but excessive possessiveness can be detrimental to the relationship.

Both partners should work together to establish healthy boundaries and strive towards building mutual trust and respect.

In conclusion, focusing on strengthening your current relationship instead of dwelling upon external attractions can help ease tensions and promote a healthy dynamic between partners. Rekindling intimacy, open communication and establishing healthy boundaries whilst respecting each other’s individuality will all contribute positively to making this happen seamlessly.

Seeking professional help might become necessary at some point as different couples have varying limits they are willing to push past; however, starting by exploring ways of navigating personal emotions internally before seeking third-party intervention would go a long way in fortifying the bond shared between partners.

Seeking Professional Help

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience attraction towards others despite being married. Such personal experience can be complicated, and it may take a toll on one’s mental health over time. However, seeking professional help can provide clarity and guidance in such situations.

The first step towards finding the right therapist is acknowledging that there is an issue that needs attention. The next step would involve researching therapists who specialize in relationships or sexual issues as they are best equipped to handle this situation.

A trained therapist will help identify thoughts and feelings regarding attraction and work with the individual to understand where these emotions stem from. Personal experiences of attraction could have roots deep in childhood traumas or past romantic encounters, which need addressing for healing to occur fully.

By exploring the root cause of their attractions through therapy sessions, individuals can gain insight into why they find other women attractive while still being married. Addressing underlying issues helps create healthier patterns of behavior moving forward.

In summary, seeking out professional help when struggling with attraction outside of marriage is crucial for one’s emotional well-being. Through working with a specialized therapist, individuals can explore any underlying causes resulting in these feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms going forward. It takes courage to seek help but doing so serves as an essential step towards resolving inner conflicts surrounding attraction-related challenges.

Exploring The Root Cause Of Attraction

Attraction is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, involving both psychological and biological factors.

From a psychological perspective, attraction can be influenced by a variety of factors such as personality traits, shared interests or values, physical appearance, and social status. For example, individuals who share similar hobbies or have comparable levels of education may find themselves drawn to each other due to the sense of familiarity and connection that they share.

In addition to psychological factors, biology also plays a significant role in determining attraction. Research has shown that certain physical characteristics are universally considered attractive across different cultures and time periods. These include features such as symmetry, clear skin, full lips, and an overall youthful appearance. It is believed that these features signal good health and fertility, making individuals with these qualities more desirable mates from an evolutionary standpoint.

It is important to note that experiencing attraction towards someone other than one’s partner does not necessarily indicate dissatisfaction with the current relationship. Attraction is a natural human experience that cannot always be controlled or predicted. However, it is essential for individuals to reflect on their feelings and assess whether they pose any threat to their existing relationships.

By exploring the root cause of attraction – both in terms of psychology and biology – individuals can gain greater insight into their own desires and motivations. This understanding can help them make informed decisions about how they choose to act upon their attractions towards others while maintaining respect for themselves and their partners. In the subsequent section, we will discuss some practical strategies for reevaluating your relationship in light of feelings of attraction towards others.

Reevaluating Your Relationship

Although being attracted to other people while in a committed relationship is not uncommon, it can be a source of confusion and conflict. It’s essential to reevaluate your relationship before deciding what to do about your attraction to other women.

One objection that may arise is the fear of hurting your partner or damaging the relationship. However, ignoring these feelings will only lead to further resentment and dissatisfaction.

To assess your relationship, start by examining why you are having these attractions. Is there something missing from your current partnership? Are you feeling unfulfilled emotionally or physically? Self-reflection and growth are crucial during this process. Take time to identify any unresolved issues within yourself that could be contributing to these feelings.

Consider seeking counseling or therapy to work through any underlying concerns with a trained professional who can provide guidance and support. Additionally, open communication with your partner about how you’re feeling is key in determining whether the relationship is salvageable or if it’s time for both parties to move on.

In conclusion, reassessing your relationship when faced with an attraction outside of it allows for self-growth and understanding of what needs aren’t met within the current partnership. By acknowledging those needs, couples can decide together whether they want to continue their monogamous commitment or consider alternative ways of being together such as open relationships where mutual respect still exists between partners without compromising each individual’s desires.

Considering Open Relationships

One possible solution for individuals who find themselves attracted to others while already in a committed relationship is exploring the option of an open relationship.

Open relationships involve having multiple romantic or sexual partners with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties.

While this arrangement may not be suitable for everyone, it can provide an opportunity for people to explore their desires without compromising their primary relationship.

Navigating jealousy is one of the biggest challenges that arises from non-monogamous relationships.

It’s important for those considering an open relationship to establish clear boundaries and communication practices with all parties involved.

This includes openly discussing feelings of jealousy as they arise and finding ways to address them in a healthy manner.

Trust and honesty are also crucial components of making an open relationship work.

Finding ethical non-monogamous partners can be challenging but not impossible.

There are online communities and dating apps specifically geared towards people interested in polyamorous or open relationships such as Feeld, OkCupid, and PolyMatchmaker.com.

It’s important to communicate clearly about what you’re looking for and ensure that potential partners share similar values regarding ethics, boundaries, and respect.

Ultimately, navigating attraction outside of a monogamous partnership requires honest self-reflection and communication with your partner(s).

An open relationship may be a viable option for some couples seeking greater freedom within their partnerships.

However, it’s essential to understand the consequences of infidelity before deciding on this route – which will be explored in more detail in subsequent sections.

Understanding The Consequences Of Infidelity

Considering Open Relationships may seem like a viable option for those who are married but find other people attractive. However, it is important to understand that this decision can have emotional and psychological consequences on both partners involved. It requires open communication, trust, and boundaries to be established beforehand.

Infidelity comes in two forms: emotional infidelity and physical infidelity. Emotional infidelity involves forming an intimate connection with someone else outside of the marriage, while physical infidelity entails engaging in sexual activities with another person. Both types of infidelity can cause significant harm to the relationship as they involve betrayal of trust and breach of commitment.

In cases where children are involved, the impact of infidelity goes beyond just the couple’s relationship. Children can feel confused and traumatized when their parents’ marriage is affected by infidelity. The instability caused by such events can lead to long-term negative effects on their mental health and well-being.

It is crucial to understand that dealing with guilt and shame is not an easy task after being unfaithful in a committed relationship. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor could provide support during this difficult time. Learning how to communicate effectively with your partner about emotions and needs without resorting to cheating behaviors should be prioritized moving forward towards healing the relationship.


Understanding the consequences of Infidelity highlights just how damaging betraying your spouse’s trust through affairs can be for everyone involved including children; however, even if you do decide against acting upon your attraction there might still exist feelings of guilt and shame which need addressing – let us explore this further in Dealing with Guilt and Shame section below.

Dealing With Guilt And Shame

Coping mechanisms are essential when faced with internal conflicts such as finding other women attractive while being married. It is common for individuals to experience guilt or shame in these situations, which can be overwhelming. However, coping mechanisms can help alleviate negative emotions and provide a sense of control.

One helpful coping mechanism is self-reflection. Take time to acknowledge and understand the feelings that arise when finding other women attractive. This process may involve identifying personal values and boundaries regarding relationships. By doing so, it becomes easier to make decisions aligned with one’s moral compass.

Another way to cope is through communication with one’s partner. Honesty about experiencing attraction towards others can lead to deeper understanding and trust within the relationship. It also allows for productive conversations about expectations and boundaries within the marriage.

Dealing with internal conflicts requires patience, compassion, and an openness to growth. Remember that it is natural to have conflicting desires, but there are ways to manage them effectively without causing harm to oneself or others.

Seeking support from friends and family can also aid in managing difficult emotions during times of inner turmoil.

Seeking Support From Friends And Family

Support from friends and family can be a valuable resource for those struggling with feelings of attraction towards other individuals outside their marriage. Sharing these thoughts and emotions with trusted loved ones may provide an outlet for emotional release, validation, and understanding that can help alleviate stress and anxiety.

In addition to seeking support from friends and family, joining a support group may also be beneficial. Support groups offer a safe space where individuals facing similar challenges can share experiences, give advice or simply lend a listening ear. Such groups are typically moderated by trained professionals who facilitate discussion in a non-judgmental environment.

Therapy is another viable option for those experiencing conflict between their marital commitment and attraction towards others. A therapist can work with the individual to identify underlying issues that may contribute to such desires, as well as develop coping strategies to navigate these complex emotions effectively.

Ultimately, it’s essential to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to navigating these complicated feelings. Each person’s journey is unique, so it’s crucial to seek out resources that best suit your needs.

Practicing self-care through exercise, meditation or engaging in hobbies may also aid in reducing stress levels while promoting overall well-being during this process of exploration and growth.

Practicing Self-Care

There is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive, even when you are married. However, it can be a source of guilt or anxiety if not addressed properly.

Practicing self-care routines can help alleviate these negative emotions and promote a healthier mindset. One effective self-care routine is to engage in physical activities that release endorphins such as jogging or yoga. These exercises allow for the release of tension and stress while promoting better mental health.

Another helpful routine is to take breaks from social media or any triggers that cause feelings of temptation towards others. This can provide much-needed space to focus on your marriage and recommit to your partner.

Coping mechanisms can also play a vital role in managing attraction towards others outside of one’s relationship. One approach is mindfulness meditation which allows for greater awareness of thoughts and emotions without judgment. Additionally, therapy sessions offer an opportunity to explore underlying issues causing negative feelings toward oneself or one’s spouse.

Moving forward with honesty and integrity requires constant effort but practicing self-care routines alongside coping mechanisms can make this process feel more manageable. It may also involve open communication with your partner about how you’re feeling and working together to strengthen your relationship.

Ultimately, prioritizing self-awareness and emotional regulation will lead to healthier relationships both within yourself and with those around you.

Moving Forward With Honesty And Integrity

Practicing self-care is an important aspect of personal growth. It involves prioritizing one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

This includes addressing any issues that may arise in relationships, such as finding other individuals attractive while being married. It is important to acknowledge that attraction to others is a common occurrence even when committed to someone else.

However, it becomes problematic when acted upon without moral responsibility. As human beings, we have the power of choice and must take accountability for our actions. Moving forward with honesty and integrity means acknowledging these feelings and discussing them with your spouse or seeking therapy if necessary.

Ignoring or suppressing these emotions can lead to negative consequences not only on the individual’s mental health but also on their relationship. In conclusion, practicing self-care through personal growth requires taking moral responsibility for our desires and actions in relationships.

Moving forward with honesty and integrity allows for open communication with one’s partner and ensures that both parties are aware of each other’s needs and boundaries. Remembering this will result in a healthier relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is It Normal To Find Other People Attractive While In A Committed Relationship?

It is normal to find other people attractive while in a committed relationship.

However, navigating jealousy and communicating with your partner can be important in maintaining the health of the relationship.

Jealousy may arise when one partner feels threatened by their significant other’s attraction to someone else.

It is important to communicate openly and honestly about these feelings with your partner, as well as setting boundaries that work for both parties.

Ultimately, it is up to each individual within the relationship to decide what level of attraction outside of the relationship is acceptable, and communication plays a crucial role in finding common ground.

How Can I Tell If My Attraction To Others Is Just Physical Or If It’s A Sign That My Current Relationship Isn’t Working?

When experiencing attraction to others while in a committed relationship, it is important to evaluate the nature of that attraction.

Attraction can be purely physical or it can indicate deeper emotional desires for connection and fulfillment not being met within the current relationship – this is known as emotional infidelity.

Communicating these desires with one’s partner may lead to positive changes in the relationship, but must be done with care and consideration for both parties involved.

It is crucial to approach such discussions with honesty and respect, recognizing that they may bring up difficult emotions but ultimately have potential for growth and strengthening of the bond between partners.

Should I Tell My Partner About My Attraction To Others, Even If I Don’t Plan On Acting On It?

Handling attraction to others while in a committed relationship can be challenging, and it is common for individuals to experience feelings of guilt or confusion.

However, open communication with one’s partner about these attractions may help alleviate any discomfort that could arise from jealousy or insecurity.

It is important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, acknowledging that attraction does not necessarily equate to a desire to act on those feelings.

Honesty and transparency are crucial components of any healthy relationship, and discussing one’s attractions can strengthen trust between partners.

Ultimately, each individual must assess their own personal values and boundaries when navigating this situation.

Can Setting Boundaries With Others Actually Help Me Feel More Attracted To My Partner?

Effective communication strategies and developing emotional intimacy are vital components of maintaining a healthy relationship.

However, when it comes to attraction, setting boundaries with others may not necessarily lead to increased feelings towards one’s partner.

While establishing clear limits can certainly prevent inappropriate behavior or infidelity, focusing solely on external factors fails to address the underlying issue of internal desires.

Rather than relying on external measures, couples should prioritize open and honest communication about their individual attractions and work together towards building emotional intimacy.

Ultimately, creating a strong connection built on trust and understanding is more likely to cultivate lasting desire than simply limiting interactions with outside parties.

Is It Possible To Work Through These Feelings On My Own, Or Do I Need To Seek Professional Help?

When dealing with complex emotional issues in relationships, it is important to consider various approaches for support and guidance.

While some individuals may find self-reflection techniques helpful in processing and managing their feelings, others may benefit from seeking professional help through relationship counseling.

Self-reflection techniques such as journaling, meditation, or therapy can be effective ways to explore one’s emotions and gain insight into potential underlying causes of attraction toward other individuals outside of a committed partnership.

However, in cases where these methods do not provide the necessary support, relationship counseling can offer a safe space for couples to work through challenges together while receiving guidance from trained professionals.


It is not uncommon for individuals in committed relationships to find themselves attracted to others. However, determining the nature of these attractions and how they may impact one’s relationship can be a complex process.

While some may view such feelings as a sign that their current relationship is lacking, it is important to consider whether this attraction is purely physical or represents deeper emotional needs.

Communicating with one’s partner about these feelings can also help provide clarity and establish boundaries that allow both parties to feel secure in the relationship.

Setting aside time to work on building intimacy and connection with one’s partner can also help alleviate some of these feelings.

In cases where these attractions are causing significant distress or impacting daily life, seeking professional help may be beneficial.

As with many aspects of human emotion and behavior, there are no easy answers when it comes to navigating attraction while in a committed relationship.

It is up to each individual to determine what course of action feels right for them based on their unique circumstances and values.

Ultimately, by examining our own desires and motivations with honesty and compassion, we can gain greater insight into ourselves and our relationships.

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